Flash Harry wants your vote, and Larne council wants you to keep your trousers on

'Flash' Harry Hamilton:Impersonator

I’ll soon be remedying this blog’s excessive traffic with another post on The Lost Revolution, but in the meantime there are a couple of nice vignettes in today’s Telegraph that might be of interest. The first is by way of reference to the Ulster Conservative and Unionist New Force, and its ongoing search for credible Westminster candidates for next year. As it turns out, someone with proven popular appeal has thrown his hat into the ring in Upper Bann. Yes, it’s Flash Harry!

For those of you who aren’t completely au fait with popular culture, “Flash” Harry Hamilton is the north’s leading Freddie Mercury impersonator – in fact, he’s one of the top Freddie Mercury impersonators full stop, having packed out the Albert Hall. There can be no better man to bring a much-needed touch of pizazz to a Unionist Party where people like David McNarry count as charismaic personalities. What’s more, Flash Harry has a political track record, having been active in the OUP for quite a few years, and having been a candidate in Upper Bann at the last Assembly election, where he was only five votes short of a Stormont seat. I’ll be most disappointed if he isn’t picked.

Meanwhile, here’s one for the “no sex please, we’re Ulster Scots” category. Larne council has voted to ban sex shops and strip clubs in the town. We must immediately note that there aren’t any sex shops or strip clubs in Larne, and nobody is proposing to open one, although God knows Larne is a pretty grim place and could do with some livening up. No, this is a pre-emptive strike by the Presbyterian civic fathers to head off the possibility of Larne turning into Sodom and Gomorrah.

The stipulation, however, that premises in Larne may not be used for purposes of striptease without council permission, does have a loophole – nudity will be allowed for actors in licenced plays, providing that it’s tastefully done and necessary to the plot. There is no word of a special exemption for local MP Sammy Wilson, so Nudie Boy had better watch himself. There’ll be no getting back to nature in Larne, even should you be eccentric enough to wish to do so.

5 Comments

  1. October 13, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    impersonating a Zoroastrian … will this diminish his chances?

  2. Dr Paul said,

    October 14, 2009 at 3:08 pm

    ‘ “Flash” Harry Hamilton is the north’s leading Freddie Mercury impersonator’

    So that’s where Lord Lucan has ended up.

  3. Dave Semple said,

    October 14, 2009 at 8:34 pm

    I remember being on the Youth Council in Bangor when the council there banned sex shops. One had opened just off Main Street and boy was there uproar. “Think of the children!” rang from the letters page of the Spectator – half of the letters from the councillors who were taken aback, it appeared, that the sex shop had opened in the first place.

    We wrote a counter-letter, arguing that young people in Bangor actually quite enjoyed sex and might quite like to find out about the interesting contraptions that one could purchase. It was never published though. The search for civilization continues…

  4. splinteredsunrise said,

    October 14, 2009 at 9:29 pm

    Sex and Bangor don’t really mix, and the Spectator reflects that. You’ll notice that Colin Bateman’s novels feature plenty of masturbation but no actual sex.

  5. Belfast Gonzo said,

    October 16, 2009 at 3:30 am

    A fantastic opportunity to use the headline ‘A Flash in the Bann’ sadly wasted.


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