Jings! Stormount Semmlie man scundered at porn in Ulster Scotch

flesh-gordon-porn_76908t

From today’s Tele:

An event combining Ulster-Scots with pornography which is due to be screened at the Belfast Film Festival has caused a furore among local politicians.

A proposed screening of the 1974 soft porn film Flesh Gordon — an erotic spoof on Flash Gordon — on April 2 will be accompanied by a live translation in Ulster-Scots from three local comedians.

Jaipers! An’ ah always thocht sex wis thon big begs ye put yer coal in.

Entitled Shockin’ly Spaiked O’er Smot (Badly Dubbed Porn) Live, the so-called “evening of titillation” has raised objections in certain quarters over funding.

One MLA has said that money should not have been handed over to support the event at The Menagerie, Belfast — even if it is designed to highlight the beauty of a fast-shrinking dialect.

In fect, yon Davie McNarry his tuk the heid-staggers an’ is richt leppin’ aboot the hale thing.

“Porn is porn is porn is porn — and whether it is done Ulster-Scots-style, well, it really doesn’t come into it,” Stormont culture, arts and leisure committee member, David McNarry, told the BBC.

“This event has presumably been given funding and all this kind of thing does is make people look all the harder at an application the next time it comes round.

“The committee wasn’t aware of this but the department must have been.”

But the fillum festival fowk be unrepentant:

A Belfast film festival spokeswoman said the use of Flesh Gordon might “seem at first a peculiar choice of film”, but insisted it was “almost logical”.

“Contrasting Ulster-Scots against such a coarse and roguish piece of film such as Flesh Gordon will optimally highlight the extent of the detachment between the culture of the tongue and the culture of the film,” she said.

Ah hiv a feelin’ yer wee woman may be takin’ the han’…

Fer mair wittins, gae til 1690 an’ All Thon.

9 Comments

  1. Harry Monro said,

    March 4, 2009 at 9:47 pm

    Not An Inch says Flesh Gordon.
    Our language can be saved: I beg you to remove those splinters and get together with that nice wee man Mr L Tombs and lead a campaign to get this film shown in every town in Ulster. I can volunteer to protect any showings of the film in Cullybackey.
    Yours Harry Monro

  2. Liam said,

    March 4, 2009 at 11:42 pm

    I’m not familiar with this film. Could someone who has seen it explain how “the culture of the tongue” is evident in it?

  3. Daphne said,

    March 5, 2009 at 12:49 am

    I’ve seen this film a number of times and can remember some of the best lines. Can someone tell me what the Ulster-Scots for the following would be?

    “Good Lord, Flash! They’re dykes!”

    “Come on baby, I’ll take you to the tower of evil. It’s where I hang out.”

    “My ass! You shot me in the ass! Up yours, Gordon!”

  4. splinteredsunrise said,

    March 5, 2009 at 8:15 am

    I’m just making this up as I go along, but I believe the last would be something like “Ye shoat me in the behin’, ye ganch ye!”

  5. Phil said,

    March 5, 2009 at 11:35 am

    A pint says there is a canonical Ulster Scots translation for ‘dyke’. It seems like just the kind of fine detail those people wouldn’t leave out.

  6. Billy McWilliams said,

    March 5, 2009 at 10:32 pm

    Yis are clearly takin’ the haun oot o’ the Ulster Scot here, yer lack o’ knowlege o’ the hamely tongue betrays yis. “Stormount Semmlie” is nat the correk term, it is the “Stormount Arsemblie”.

    Nudiness an’ Ulster Scotsness dinnae mix, jist ask Sammy Wilson.

  7. Billy McWilliams said,

    March 5, 2009 at 10:39 pm

    Alsae wi’ regard tae Daphne’s query it shud be screed:

    “Guid Laird Flash! Themuns is feminists”

    “Come oan wee cuddy, Ah’ll tak ye tae Sinn Fein Headquarters. It’s wair ah hing oot”

    an

    “Me erse, ye shat me in the erse! Up yers Gordan!”

  8. Ciarán said,

    March 5, 2009 at 11:25 pm

    “Flesh! Flesh! I luve ye, but we hiv anely fowerteen oors to sauf the earth!”

    I can’t help but notice that the Tele reported on the BFF rep’s comments a little differently than the Beeb did. Here’s the Tele piece:
    A Belfast film festival spokeswoman said the use of Flesh Gordon might “seem at first a peculiar choice of film”, but insisted it was “almost logical”.

    And here’s the BBC report:
    “The use of Flesh Gordon may seem at first a peculiar choice of film in which to parody Ulster-Scots, but on further review seems an almost logical preference,” said a Belfast Film Festival spokeswoman. (My emphasis.)

    So there you have it, the Belfast Film Festival is obviously run by a secret Fenian cabal – who never really let up control when the Film Festival became ‘independent’ of Féile an Phobail.

  9. March 6, 2009 at 1:46 pm

    […] “she’s Jewish”. A better approach might have been along the lines of what Splintered reports is happening in the Belfast Film Festival […]


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