Benny to Mr Tony: Feck off!


It’s been gratifying to see Mr Tony Blair’s extended farewell tour come a cropper at its very climax, with the outgoing prime minister meeting Pope Benny in the Vatican. This had been spun as hugely significant, with Mr Tony widely expected to announce his conversion to Catholicism, and even speculation that he’d be fast-tracked to deaconhood. However, since the official diplomatic communiqué reported a “frank exchange of views” – code for a blazing row – it seems likely that the meeting went something like this:

Mr Tony: Your Holiness, I’d like to become a Catholic.

Pope Benny: Think on, matey.

It is further reported that Benny got stuck in over the Iraq war, abortion, stem cell research, gay adoption and generally Mr Tony leading the most anti-Catholic government since Victorian times.

Though I disagree with him about most things, I have a lot of time for Benny, who’s a top intellectual and one of the most interesting theologians of our time – if you haven’t read his new book on Jesus, it’s well worth a look. Mr Tony, on the other hand, is a brilliant salesman who has never given the impression of being very thoughtful. This is a problem for the potential convert. While Mrs Tony, as a cradle Catholic, has more latitude to get away with flouting Catholic doctrine, the prospective convert is expected to show some interest in said doctrine. And, while there have been acres of newsprint about Mr Tony’s intention to convert, nobody seems to know why, except for the convenience of his wife and kids, he might want to do so.

With that sort of woolly outlook, maybe it’s better if he stays in the C of E. And high fives all round to Benny.


  1. ejh said,

    June 27, 2007 at 3:34 pm

    My favourite theologians are the ones I met on the away end a few years ago at a game between Dagenham and Redbridge and Stevenage Borough.

    They advanced the position that if you want to get to heaven when you die, you have to wear a bonnet with “Fuck The Woking” on it.

    This struck me as unorthodox within any given tradition but not particularly unusual in the normal run of religious observance.

  2. BennySupporter said,

    April 18, 2008 at 12:15 am

    Liked your comments about His Holiness, Benny. He IS a great theologian and he also has the courage to stick up for the traditional meaning of the teachings. Remember Ronnie, Maggie’s friend Ronnie, the one they couldn’t trust to speak in public and had to write his lines for him? Ronnie Reagan? He visited JohnPaul and his side later even went so far as to claim that it was a Ronnie-Papal partnership that brought down Communism. Very Holywood that one! Now we see (16Apr08) Tony’s transatlantic partner in illegal invasions, Brain-dead-Bush, making out that he too, is SO impressed with Catholicism that even his wife and daughter had to come out to Andrews Air Force Base to greet Benny. Clearly these moves have nothing to do with their personal belief in treating Iraqis – or even their own citizens – as they would like to be treated themselves and, by deduction, must have something to do with compromising the Catholic Church, in one way or another.

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